Habib, I'm not going to hide myself from the shells of these infidels?" He replied: "I'm not going to fall back either, I'll stay behind you." A further shell fell very close to us. Certain that divine succour would preserve us, I said to Molla Habib: "Forward! These infidels' shells can't kill us. We won't deign to draw back!"

Also, during the siege of Bitlis, on the front lines, I was hit by three Russian bullets which should have killed me. One pierced my shalwars and passed between my legs, My state of mind was such that I did not deign to crouch in the trenches in that perilous situation, The commander, Kel Ali, and the governor, Memduh Bey, heard of this, and although they said: "He should draw back or enter the trenches!" I declared: "These infidels' shells can't kill us!" and attaching no importance to them, took no precautions at all at that time of youth, and did nothing to protect my life. But now, although I am eighty years old, an extraordinary contradiction is apparent: I am in a state of mind whereby I am extremely careful and guard my life and shun dangers to the extent of having scruples about it. Of course, there is a significant instance of wisdom and purpose in preserving one or two years of old age and pleasureless life to this extent when that young life was sacrificed fearlessly, and there are two or three aims:

The First: With their machinations, our malevolent covert enemies, some unofficial and some official, direct all their assaults at my person instead of at the Nur students and they are preoccupied with me, and without knowing it, imagine all importance to lie in myself. Thus, this elderly, wretched life of mine is a means of saving the Nur students to an extent from their stratagems and attacks. For the sake of my brothers, therefore, I temporarily look on it as having the importance of ten lives of the Old Said. If I were to withdraw, the difficulties inflicted on me would be inflicted on my select brothers, whom I love more than life. Then one difficulty would become a hundred.

The Second: It is true that like perfect Saids, my select brothers are each devoted to the Risale-i Nur, but since after sincerity, our greatest strength lies in solidarity, and due to differences in temperament solidarity has been shaken to an extent as it was in prison; owing to the possibility of significant harm occurring to the Risale-i Nur's service, I feel myself obliged to guard this old, sick, wretched life of mine until The Flashes and The Words Collections are published, and the calamity is repulsed of the hojas being scared away from the Risale-i Nur due to such traits as fear and jealousy, and the solidarity between our brothers has become quite firm. For since undergoing lengthy trials, neither the courts nor my enemies could see my hidden faults, and since owing to divine protection they could not com-