veins of temperament. With an excessive irritability and sensitivity caused by illness and poison, and an extraordinary state of mind arising from the whisperings of Satan and a natural love of life, those blind emotions, which resemble a second evil-commanding soul, touched my heart and spirit acutely, and made me feel an awful despair and sorrow at the possibility of death, and a powerful ambition, thrill, and pleasure.
My soul and those emotions asked: "Why don't you try to live a comfortable life? For indeed you reject such a thing and you don't seek an innocently pleasurable life within the circle of the Risale-i Nur, but are quite happy to die. Why is this?" Suddenly two powerful facts silenced that second evil-commanding soul and Satan.
The First: When I die, the Risale-i Nur's sacred work for belief will unfold with greater sincerity; and in no way will it be accused of being utilized for worldly ends, or for egotism or self-interest. And since my being personally alive excites rivalry, its service will continue more sincerely and perfectly. It's true that I can help a bit while I'm in this world, but rivals and critics can accuse my unimportant self, which may harm the Risale-i Nur and cause people to hold back from it. And if the person who acts as watchman lays down, all the enthusiasts in his luminous circle become alert and watchful; there are then thousands of guards instead of just one. That is to say, if death were to come, it would be welcome.
Furthermore, since many of the Nur students have devoted their property, and their comfort, and their worldly pleasures, and if necessary their lives to serving the Risale-i Nur, why should you be niggardly, O my soul!
Also, know certainly that if it were necessary to depart from this transitory, troublesome life while working to save the eternal lives of numerous unfortunates, or if the time were to come, it would be a pleasurable honour to meet it happily.
The Second: If a weak and powerless man was to be burdened with a heavy load although he could not bear a light one, and if his friends looked on him as strong and wanted his help although it was really him that needed help due to his concealed weakness, it would be most grievous and distasteful for him to try, by being artificial and false, which are extremely burdensome, to appear big and powerful just so as not to offend them or appear inferior. In just the same way, O my evil-commanding soul, you have become engulfed in blind emotion! With your ordinary person and virtually worthless abilities, you could not be the source and fountainhead of the truths of the Risale-i Nur, which are far beyond you and purely a divine favour. In this dark, sick age, those truths have emerged from the sacred pharmacy of the Qur'an and been placed in your hands by divine