years and the fleeting nature of everything to which he was attached, Bediuzzaman's learning afforded him no light, no hope. "The spiritual darkness arising from the sciences of philosophy plunged my spirit into the universe, suffocating it. Whichever way I looked seeking light, I could find no light in those matters, I could not breathe." [^333]
[^333]:Nursi, Lem'alar, 229 (Eng. tr.: Flashes, 306).
His spiritual crisis prompted him to withdraw from the society of men and seek solitude in places removed from Istanbul life. He retreated to Yuşa Tepesi, [^334] a high hill on the Asian side of the Bosphorus near its junction with the Black Sea. Here, he tells us, he would not permit Abdurrahman even to attend to his essential needs. [^335] Following this he took a house in Sarıyer, on the European side, and it was here in this old wooden house which is still standing that Bediuzzaman's crisis was resolved and he found what he was searching for.
[^334]:A point of interest which should be mentioned here was recorded by Bediuzzaman's student of later years, İbrahim Fakazlı, from one of Bediuzzaman's Van students, Seyyid Şefik, who joined him in Istanbul on his return from captivity in Russia. Seyyid Şefik Efendi, who was subsequently Imam of Sultan Ahmad Mosque in Istanbul, related to İbrahim Fakazlı how Said Halim Pasha, in the period following his resignation from the office of Sadrıazam (Prime Minister) in 1917, and "before going abroad", had decided to make over to Bediuzzaman an estate on the Bosphorus containing woods and number of fine buildings for the purpose of founding an Islamic university, since he had no heir. However at this point Bediuzzaman had disappeared off the scene for a month. When it was learnt he was on Yûşa Tepesi, word was sent to him that he had only to present himself at the Land-Registry Office for the transaction to be completed. Bediuzzaman requested twenty-four hours' grace to seek guidance, whereupon the two 'Levhas', or tables in verse, beginning "Don't call me to the world!" occurred to him, and he turned down the offer. That is to say, he had already taken the decision "to abandon the world", and on the strength of the two pieces, which he later included in the Risale-i Nur in the Seventeenth Word, did not go back on his decision (See, Sözler, 203-4; Words, 231-2). This event, which shows the esteem in which Bediuzzaman was held by the highest members of the Ottoman establishment, makes it probable that the process of his transformation into the New Said began at an early date and continued for some period of time. For, as a member of the CUP Government which had taken Turkey into the First World War, Said Halim Pasha was arrested in early March 1919, and together with 66 others, sent into exile in Malta on a British ship on 28 May 1919 (See, İbnü'l-Emin İnal, Son Sadrıazamlar, iv, 1909-12). Also, the extant documents show Bediuzzaman as resident in Sarıyer in September, 1921.
[^335]:Nursi, Şualar, 446 (Eng. tr.: Rays, 523).
It was Gawth al-A'zam, 'Abd al-Qadir al-Gilani, who came first to Bediuzzaman's aid. A copy of his Futuh al-Ghayb came into Bediuzzaman's possession "by a happy coincidence", and on opening the pages at random to take an omen from it, these lines came up:
"Anta fi dari'l-hikmati f'atlub tabiban yudawi qalbak" [^336]
[^336]:The original reads: "Ya 'ibada'llah antum fi dari'l-hikmati; labudda min al-wasita, atlubu min ma'budikum tabiban; yutibbu amrad qulubikum mudawiyan yudawikum... " It is in the 62 nd. Meclis, p. 245, of Shaykh Gīlānī's work, al-Fath al-Rabbani, which in a printed edition of uncertain date was bound together with Futuh al-Ghayb under that title.